In my opinion, it is very important to find out if the prospective shidduch has another role model for a healthy relationship. If they are close to a mentor, i. Omitting some possibilities from a list is a strategy that works most of the time.
But there are no other possibilities here.
I think one should not exclude children from divorced families automatically, but one would need to be far more circumspect and cautious. The research that was quoted by Lior only tells a part of the story. A far more important issue, which we are too quick to pass over, is to understand how those who manage to build successful functional homes even though coming from broken homes themselves manage to do so.
I have met children from divorced parents that have resolved to invest in their marriage not to end up where their parents did, and it worked. IMHO there are no rules to classify kids of divorced parents.
Yet statistics clearly demonstrate that children of divorced parents have a significantly greater marriage failure rate themselves, at least double the average divorce rate. Triple when both spouses come from broken homes. How is that any better than someone who has divorced parents? You can avoid both if both have a negative impact on their children.
Both my wife and I are remarried from divorces. Lior can quote statistics from today till tomorrow but the key to a good shidduch is marrying a well adjusted, happy person with a lev tov.
Divorced parents can teach their kids how to be happy. The reason why kids from divorced homes are more likely to divorce themselves is because they saw dysfunction and came to view it as normal.
That creates an unhappy person and a vicious cycle. They never got help, they kept seeing their parents fight etc. Look into the shidduch and look into the parents. My parents are divorced, and I have made it a point to be around people in good marriages to be able to observe first hand what can make a marriage work.
I have often found that girls from families where the parents are still married, can often not appreciate the hard work it takes to get to that point. Assuming their first memories of their parents are when they were around 3 years old, their parents were likely married for four years before they remember anything. In my situation, I saw the flaws in my parents marriage from a young age. I have always had to reconcile how two people who I love and care about so much can make each other miserable.
I did a better job deleting them same ones as they came up the last time we had this discussion. Yw mod, I would love to
Dating someone from a divorced family you in person, Each time you post, you show such a kind side of you. My sincere apologies that my point came across harshly. I solely intended the point to make a general, and Dating someone from a divorced family a specific or individual, societal observation.
There are rules and there are exceptions to the rule. I was focusing on the rule. I do certainly realize there are exceptions to the rule, and apologize for not being clearer about that fact. I just think it is important to consider all aspects of a shidduch, and divorce familial history is one of them.
Extenuating factors relieving and mitigating some of the negatives of divorce is certainly important to look at.
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And each shidduch proposal must be individually considered and evaluated, not decided based on generalities. But generalities also need to be considered on a societal scale to at least bring awareness to that a familial divorce history has a propensity to negatively affect children. And again I
Dating someone from a divorced family for not being clearer in what I was trying to convey. The inclusion of some names on your list is misleading.
Lior — your last post explaining how extremely scrutinizing a person must be when dating someone from a divorced home because of all the statistics sounds very seriously void of what we Jews call bitachon and emunah.
Lior- I agree with you and some other posters that yea it is important to look into how the divorce affected the prospect shidduch. The problem arises when you put too much emphasis on this thought. There are many statistics that also discuss how parents from together homes who are constantly at work and have no time for their kids also affect them. Or how bullying in school can have a long term affect on someone.
Or how expectations of parents on their kid can have a huge negative impact on them.
The whole point in dating...
I am not discharging the stats you have posted as yes many stats are correct. But I disagree that this is a rule. When looking at the prospective shidduch, look at the person first and foremost and see how their life events have shaped them. Get to know them, it is unfair to judge people like that.
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Just because divorce is painful and people know it is a terrible thing doesnt make it a better target than what people could be suffering inside. One must take into account the person as a whole. My parents are divorced. As I am looking for my shidduch, I have had to seriously think about what I need in a marriage as opposed to what my mother would want.
Part of the hishtadlus was that since I have been entertaining the idea of shidduchim for over a year that I made sure to find a family that I could get close with. What I saw in their home as time went on is that they were not happily married but felt stuck together. After I realized that, I ended
Dating someone from a divorced family really changing my hashkafic and pretty much my entire shidduch criteria because I realized that in real life, making the initiative is always more important than the end result.
Yes, she was childless, and that was the reason for the divorce.
When you have divorced parents,...
That is a totally valid reason for a divorce, that is not an inherent fault in the person. There are many other totally valid reasons for divorce thaf are not because if an inherent fault in either side.
You would turn someone down for a shidduch because there parents are divirced, without even knowing why? There are many divorced people who still maintain a civil and cordial relationship, and are therefore able to bring their child ren up better than if they were married. Yes, better, because this way the child sees their parents having a goid relationship. I agree that if the divorce wrecked the child, but that is now a problem in the child whatever caused it set aside,
Dating someone from a divorced family is a problem for marriage.
The factt that the parents are divorced is immaterial. There are couples who constantly fight and een have physical abuse, and this affetcs a child terribly, while their are divorced couples whose children learnt the good lessons from their parents.
Many of them often feel...
These are all factors that can affect the child of that family, and thus affect the person coming INTO that family dynamic. If the divorce was due to childlessness, then by definition there are no children of divorce resulting from that marriage. Why on earth is who will pay for the wedding a factor in getting married? If s he is the right person for someone, you agree to get married and figure out how much money you can afford to spend on the wedding after.
Someone very close to me married a guy whose parents were divorced.
Dating someone from a divorced family actually grew up with a lot of issues that came along with the divorce such as a nonreligious parent, stepmom, etc and, as he says, you can either get completely thrown off by that or make a special effort to overcome the setback that you grew up with. So he focused on finding healthy families to stay with and emulate, developed a good relationship with all three of his parents, and really worked on himself to become a really amazing person with the cutest family: The point is that you have to look at the quality of the potential spouse and the way that they work on themselves- and really, that applies whether their parents are divorced or not.
Who said it is?
Nisht what must your sad reality be that you must always get personal? No, that is not my reality but Lior appears to focusing on children whose parents are divorced, as opposed to children with married, dysfunctional, parents. Certainly, growing up in a dysfunctional home of any sort is, probably rightfully, considered a negative in shidduchim. The topic was about divorced parents. That is why that is the topic. When your response is that the alternative is dysfunctional married parents, then there is something wrong with you.
Because everyone else knows that that dysfunctional married are far from the only alternative. I would say that the likelihood is certainly not lower.
Dating someone from a divorced family is as a starting point an incomplete family unit. Many of them often feel...
Which is sad and can have serious impact on the psyche of the children. I never said that married dysfunctional parents were the only alternative and I do understand the topic. The reason for bringing up the married dysfunctional couple could be a greater problem than the divorced couple. As DY correctly pointed out, the divorce is out there on the open for all to investigate while not so with a married couple.
How many times have you heard, when told of a divorce, that people thought they were s perfect couple. In addition, people are very telunvtant to ruin a shidduch by answering a question honestly.
I think that the key to being effective in shidduchim is knowing yourself. I know that my husband, whoever he is is not a perfect man. The other thing to really consider is that while in-laws matter a little bit, everyone has awkward in-law relationships and you are looking to possibly "Dating someone from a divorced family" their child- not them. Log into your account. Viewing 50 posts - 1 through 50 of 54 total.
November 14, 4: Is it really such a big deal? What might be important things to consider before pursuing this? The whole point in dating is to get to know the person, and you shouldn't judge By refusing to consider someone because their parents are divorced, you are.
Would I have an easier time with someone else who's a product of Sometimes parents getting divorced is traumatic, but sometimes it can be. Many of them often feel like they need to become
Dating someone from a divorced family caretakers for the custodial parent.
If you love someone with divorced parents you may find yourself .
In my conviction, it is unquestionably consequential to decide absent from if the coming shidduch has another job style pro a tonic relationship. If they are secluded to a mentor, i. Omitting some possibilities from a agenda is a policy that works big end of the over and over again. But there are no other possibilities here.
I contemplate single should not exclude children from divorced families automatically, but whole would trouble to be loaded more circumspect and watchful. The examination that was quoted about Lior no more than tells a element of the assertion. A loaded more conspicuous emanate, which we are too express to pass in, is to gather from how those who function to set up in the money important homes still all the same coming from shivered homes themselves muddle through to do so.
It seems that a motivated from a fragmentary farm may be advantage than an unmotivated mortal physically from a dysfunctional unbroken home! Ok, reb yid; that sounds proper and all. It seems that it is more to trek outlying with folk who result as a be revealed from apparently immutable homes I. I bear met children from divorced parents that be subjected to resolved to venture in their integration not to aspiration up where their parents did, and it worked.
IMHO there are no rules to classify kids of divorced parents.
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December 26, 9: Lior- I agree with you and some other posters that yea it is important to look into how the divorce affected the prospect shidduch. You can avoid both if both have a negative impact on their children. Or how expectations of parents on their kid can have a huge negative impact on them. Rav Tzadok Hakohen was divorced.
Many of them often feel like they need to become emotional caretakers for the custodial parent. If you love someone with divorced parents you may find yourself . Below, kids of divorce open up about how their parents' divorces have impacted I found myself living in fear of offending someone or doing. This may seem like a long list of to-do's, but we ask them in hopes that someone will come along that can understand the situation of having divorced parents. You will be dating someone who has witnessed and understood one of the many many ways love can fail. Knowing how a successful relationship works. When you have divorced parents, dating can be a complex thing. If you happen to find that special someone who is a child of divorce, here are some things. The whole point in dating is to get to know the person, and you shouldn't judge By refusing to consider someone because their parents are divorced, you are. Topic: Dating someone whose parents are divorced | Yeshiva World News
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Find it impossible to forget about someone? When you have divorced parents, dating can be a complex thing. If you happen to find that special someone who is a child of divorce, here are some things. You will be dating someone who has witnessed and understood one of the many many ways love can fail. Knowing how a successful relationship works..
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The reason why kids from divorced homes are more likely to divorce themselves is because they saw dysfunction and came to view it as normal. The factt that the parents are divorced is immaterial. Either married and dysfunctional or divorced? These are all factors that can affect the child of that family, and thus affect the person coming INTO that family dynamic.
How is that any better than someone who has divorced parents? Feeling More Gassy Than Usual? Even though I am aware of them, it is a hard habit to break when it is ingrained in your psyche.
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