A client recently called and asked for Wimpy guys dating site urgent appointment alone. She and her husband have been seeing me primarily because of one potentially relationship-ending issue: Unfortunately, women who complain about their man being a wimp is a common theme my office, and it's a tough nut to crack, because the "Wimpy guys dating site" thing wimpy men want to face is the fact that they are wimpy.
So as a therapist, if I poke around with a few questions and conclude that the man has indeed shed his instinctual take-charge manliness and turned himself into a wimp, softie or pleaseras I like to call them, then I've got to use my most artful communication skills to deliver the news.
If not delivered delicately and respectfully, the man, who deep inside probably doubts the depth of his masculinity, will protect his fragile ego by switching the blame to me and cast the therapist as a ball-busting, weenie roasting, man-hater and refuse to return to therapy - opportunity lost. If, on the other hand, I can get him to listen to my point and agree that something is amiss, which most will end up doing, the possibilities of changing the relationship from unhealthy and dysfunctional to thriving are tremendous.
So first, let's understand what happens to too many of our precious men who get caught up in being pleasers, explain the behavior, and then learn what in American culture triggered the epidemic.
After that, we can change the world. Almost all of us take on shame in our childhoods, which is the core belief that we are defective, or something is wrong with us. Once we take on shame, we make the misguided decision that our true defective self must be hidden, so we create a new false self to protect us through life.
The false selves that humans create Wimpy guys dating site countless, but the most common ones I see are rebel, procrastinator, lazy, blamer, over-achiever, perfectionist and, of course, the pleaser. Pleasers exist in our society in the millions, and you will find them in both genders.
So they conclude something like: So while the pleaser gives selflessly, he receives little and resents intensely, and this creates the fertile ground on which he and his wife will present "Wimpy guys dating site" therapy - usually in one of two scenarios:. The wife is no longer sexually attracted to her husband or he has become from her perspective asexual.
She wants him to take charge, to make plans, have a strong opinion, exhibit Wimpy guys dating site about life and her, to take a stand against people who treat them unfairly, to be more adventurous or take a business risk, or to just "be more of a man.
The pleaser has been waiting for his partner to figure him out and meet his needs, but she hasn't because she cannot read minds. Stored resentment becomes combustible and one day he erupts like a volcano, suddenly spewing the brutal truth about what an inconsiderate, selfish, cruel and horrible woman he is married to. He either wants out or will stay and enter into a period of self-absorption, noncooperation and hostility.